Friday, May 06, 2005

The Real Genesis Creation Account

(As translated from the original Nefuritic by Dawson Bethrick.)

1 In the beginning, God created the cartooniverse.
2 And the cartooniverse was without images and void of color; and darkness was upon the face of each frame. And the spirit of God took up the magic marker.
3 And God said, Let there be images, and there were images.
4 And God saw the images, that they were good: and God divided the colors from the shapes.
5 And God called the shapes and colors cartoons, and he did populate the cartooniverse with many diverse cartoons.
6 And the Lord God did use the magic marker to give life to the cartoons, to make them an help meet for Him, and did converse with them as was His pleasure.
7 And God said it was good.
9 And in the center of the cartooniverse, God did illustrate a great garden.
10 And in the garden created He a great water pot which He called Nung.
11 And He adorned it thereof with floral decoration and images of beasts and creeping things, and gave it color and shape.
12 And God did dress the water pot and set it upon a pedastal, and He put it in the garden.
13 And God said it was good.
14 So the Lord said unto the water pot, Hold thee in thyself all the rains of the forest, that thou mayest contain it therein for my cartoons, and givest thou Me thine report after the season.
15 And Nung obeyed and did as the Lord commanded him when the rains did come.
16 And the Lord did send the rains, and it rained therein over the forest. And Nung did catch the rains as the Lord commanded.
17 Then after a season as the rains did cease, the Lord did come unto the water pot and saw no rainwater therein. And the Lord was wroth with anger.
18 And the Lord spake with Nung saying, Why hast thou disobeyed me?
19 And Nung was puzzled, for there was a large crack in his side toward his nether region.
20 And Nung answered, My Lord, didst thou not knowest that thou hast formed me insufficient to thine task which thou hast commanded of me thy servant? For the rains did come and filled my basin, but the rainwater hath escaped out the crack in my nether region.
21 And the Lord waxed angry with Nung and saith unto him, Thou cursed and disobedient servant! Thou art unworthy for My garden.
22 And Nung asked the Lord, Why hast thou such anger in thine heart? Didst not thou form me as thou hast desired? Recall thou saidst it is good when thou created me.
23 And the Lord's wrath grew against Nung and He saith unto him, Thou presumest it a light duty to create cartoons.
24 And Nung answered saying, Hath not the cartoonist power over the cartoon, of the same image to make one vessel unto honor, and another unto dishonor?
25 And the Lord seethed in anger saying, Thou mockest thine illustrator. I gave thee color and shape, and formed thee in My image. Thou ingrate, be thou removed hence to the void.
26 And the Lord wished the water pot offscreen into the void never to be seen again.
27 And God said it was good.

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